Oh, Christmas Tree

There are Christmas trees for sale on just about every corner of Manhattan these days. Some of the outposts are elaborate affairs, complete with tents, twinkle lights, ornaments and Christmas carols playing at full blast all day long.

All of this, right in the middle of the sidewalk! You really don’t have to go out of your way to buy a Christmas tree, should you want one. You literary walk through the Christmas tree lots on your way to work, or the drug store, or to meet friends.

Just one more reason New York is an amazing place.

Then there are the shadier Christmas tree operations, consisting of a few scraggly trees propped up on a windy corner, manned by sullen-looking men sitting on flimsy folding chairs and hunching against the cold.

I was passing through one of these less festive operations the other day when I overheard the Christmas tree attendant, who was wearing a rather forlorn-looking Santa hat and stacking his trees in a haphazard fashion along the curb, saying this to a man standing next to him:

“Yeah, I’m tellin’ you, that guy will fuck a muthafucka up.”

Ah, yet another reason New York is an amazing place...

A Christmas Haiku

My family has willingly opted out of gift-giving this Christmas season, so that we might concentrate on being together and eating yummy baked goods and having fun instead.

It has been a very interesting and freeing experiment, and it has enlightened me to the irony of standing in a department store line with hundreds of pushing, shoving, complaining people while Christmas carols play in the background, preaching peace and goodwill to others.

As a result of opting out of the Christmas craze, I find myself with ample time to bake, read, and write random haikus:

No presents this year!
All these silly, shiny things
Don’t say “I love you”