The Dentist's Office
Today I had an appointment to see my dentist, Dr. Mohamed. Though I've never had a traumatic dental experience, going to the dentist always causes me a great deal of anxiety.
On the outside, I look like a normal, redheaded woman patiently flipping through Gourmet magazine and waiting for her appointment. But inside my head, it's a whole different story.
Thoughts I had while in the waiting room...
I hope this doesn’t hurt.
It shouldn’t hurt, right?
It'll be fine-- calm down. People have cavities filled every day.
But what if he was wrong and it’s more than a cavity? What if it’s a root canal or something worse? I’m not mentally prepared for anything more than a cavity. Oh, god, please let it only be a cavity.
What if I have to pee while he’s drilling? Maybe I should pee now. But I don’t have to pee now. I just peed before I left work.
Thoughts I had while in the dentist’s chair...
Dr. Mohamed is so nice. I love him.
Sure, he seems nice, but what if he’s a crazy sadistic dentist, like Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors?
The Novocain needle always hurts like a bitch.
What if he doesn’t shoot me up with enough Novocain and I can feel him drilling?
What if he hits a nerve while he’s drilling and it’s a really important nerve and it paralyzes my face?
My tongue feels swollen. What if I have some freakish reaction to the Novocain and my tongue wells up and I choke on my own tongue in the dentist’s chair?
Does Dr. Mohamed know CPR?
He’s getting the drill ready but I can still feel my face. I can still feel my face! Oh, god help me.
Ah—he’s drilling. Ah! Ah!
Oh. That’s not bad at all. I can’t even feel anything.
But now I have to pee.
I'm drooling all over myself. How gross is that?
Oooh—all done! That didn’t hurt at all.
Dr. Mohamed is so nice. I love him.
On the outside, I look like a normal, redheaded woman patiently flipping through Gourmet magazine and waiting for her appointment. But inside my head, it's a whole different story.
Thoughts I had while in the waiting room...
I hope this doesn’t hurt.
It shouldn’t hurt, right?
It'll be fine-- calm down. People have cavities filled every day.
But what if he was wrong and it’s more than a cavity? What if it’s a root canal or something worse? I’m not mentally prepared for anything more than a cavity. Oh, god, please let it only be a cavity.
What if I have to pee while he’s drilling? Maybe I should pee now. But I don’t have to pee now. I just peed before I left work.
Thoughts I had while in the dentist’s chair...
Dr. Mohamed is so nice. I love him.
Sure, he seems nice, but what if he’s a crazy sadistic dentist, like Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors?
The Novocain needle always hurts like a bitch.
What if he doesn’t shoot me up with enough Novocain and I can feel him drilling?
What if he hits a nerve while he’s drilling and it’s a really important nerve and it paralyzes my face?
My tongue feels swollen. What if I have some freakish reaction to the Novocain and my tongue wells up and I choke on my own tongue in the dentist’s chair?
Does Dr. Mohamed know CPR?
He’s getting the drill ready but I can still feel my face. I can still feel my face! Oh, god help me.
Ah—he’s drilling. Ah! Ah!
Oh. That’s not bad at all. I can’t even feel anything.
But now I have to pee.
I'm drooling all over myself. How gross is that?
Oooh—all done! That didn’t hurt at all.
Dr. Mohamed is so nice. I love him.
posted by east side girl at 1:00 PM
5 Comments:
Oh! I need to schedule a DDS appt. Thanks for the reminder (and chuckle).
Seeing the dentist gives me heart palpitations! :(
I just had a dentist appointment. And though my teeth are in perfect order (thanks Dr. Parker!) my hygenist told me that my gums are swollen.
Damn, my brushing technique!
OMG- root canals, bridges, braces for two years that just came off last year, fillings, crowns, whitenings...and the whole time I am so freaked out that I can't move and the dentist says, "my, you are always so calm-one of my best patients!"
I have, however, figured out at my wise old age to not only take pain medicine right before my appointments, but a shot of tequila as well. My teeth are so sensitive that just talking about cold water makes them hurt. Great, now they hurt.
That whole "What if I have to pee?" thing? Always happens to me at the hairdresser. Today I went three times in between the root touch-up and the blow dry.
Wait...that sounded really weird. Ew.
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