Thursday, March 16, 2006

The Dentist's Office

Today I had an appointment to see my dentist, Dr. Mohamed. Though I've never had a traumatic dental experience, going to the dentist always causes me a great deal of anxiety.

On the outside, I look like a normal, redheaded woman patiently flipping through Gourmet magazine and waiting for her appointment. But inside my head, it's a whole different story.

Thoughts I had while in the waiting room...

I hope this doesn’t hurt.

It shouldn’t hurt, right?

It'll be fine-- calm down. People have cavities filled every day.

But what if he was wrong and it’s more than a cavity? What if it’s a root canal or something worse? I’m not mentally prepared for anything more than a cavity. Oh, god, please let it only be a cavity.

What if I have to pee while he’s drilling? Maybe I should pee now. But I don’t have to pee now. I just peed before I left work.

Thoughts I had while in the dentist’s chair...

Dr. Mohamed is so nice. I love him.

Sure, he seems nice, but what if he’s a crazy sadistic dentist, like Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors?

The Novocain needle always hurts like a bitch.

What if he doesn’t shoot me up with enough Novocain and I can feel him drilling?

What if he hits a nerve while he’s drilling and it’s a really important nerve and it paralyzes my face?

My tongue feels swollen. What if I have some freakish reaction to the Novocain and my tongue wells up and I choke on my own tongue in the dentist’s chair?

Does Dr. Mohamed know CPR?

He’s getting the drill ready but I can still feel my face. I can still feel my face! Oh, god help me.

Ah—he’s drilling. Ah! Ah!

Oh. That’s not bad at all. I can’t even feel anything.

But now I have to pee.

I'm drooling all over myself. How gross is that?

Oooh—all done! That didn’t hurt at all.

Dr. Mohamed is so nice. I love him.


Blogger Lisa Ann said...

Oh! I need to schedule a DDS appt. Thanks for the reminder (and chuckle).

1:41 PM  
Blogger CageQueen said...

Seeing the dentist gives me heart palpitations! :(

5:39 PM  
Blogger Paperback Writer said...

I just had a dentist appointment. And though my teeth are in perfect order (thanks Dr. Parker!) my hygenist told me that my gums are swollen.

Damn, my brushing technique!

5:48 PM  
Blogger 000 said...

I always panic when I go to the dentist too. I do the 'Do I have to pee?' thing too. I always tell myself, 'No one ever died from getting a cavity filled.'

And then I go home, and tell my dad that, and he says, "Well, they wouldn't do any dental work on my father because of his heart. So that could've killed him."

Ahh. My dad sure knows how to comfort me when I am freaked all the way out.

6:14 PM  
Blogger Fig said...

OMG- root canals, bridges, braces for two years that just came off last year, fillings, crowns, whitenings...and the whole time I am so freaked out that I can't move and the dentist says, "my, you are always so calm-one of my best patients!"

I have, however, figured out at my wise old age to not only take pain medicine right before my appointments, but a shot of tequila as well. My teeth are so sensitive that just talking about cold water makes them hurt. Great, now they hurt.

7:03 PM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

That whole "What if I have to pee?" thing? Always happens to me at the hairdresser. Today I went three times in between the root touch-up and the blow dry.

Wait...that sounded really weird. Ew.

6:26 PM  

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