Monday, May 05, 2008

One Week Down...

Bed rest, no matter how pleasant it may sound to the uninitiated, is not so easy. Especially not when the trees are blossoming white and pink in Central Park and there's so much to do at work and you had about a billion plans for the spring--none of which included sitting propped up in bed for Placenta Watch: 2008.

Here's the deal: I most likely have what they call an abrupted placenta. Simply put, that means that my placenta is detaching from the wall of my uterus. If there is a large abrpution--well, that spells trouble. But sometimes there are very small abruptions, so small you can't even see 'em on the ultrasound machine. These small abruptions will cause light bleeding and sporadic contractions. The doctor believes that's what's going on with me. The solution: bed rest, bed rest, and more bed rest.

I spent the majority of last week feeling quite sorry for myself, thank you very much. I did a lot of internal bargaining, a lot of wishing I could turn back the clock to a week ago, to two weeks ago, when everything was "normal." I laid on the bed and cried. I sat on the couch and cried.

But on Saturday, it hit me: This pregnancy may not be going the way I originally planned, but ultimately it's my pregnancy, my process, and it's really up to me whether I want to enjoy it or fear it.

I choose to enjoy it.