Monday, April 17, 2006

Categorically Speaking

Yesterday, spiceboy and I met with the Rev. Dave, the reverend of a Unitarian Universalist church in Pittsburgh. For those of you who aren’t up on the lingo, Unitarian Universalists represent spirituality without religion. And since spiceboy doesn’t really have a religion and I’m a lapsed Catholic, that suits us just fine.

In just 47 short days, Rev. Dave will perform our wedding ceremony.

I was nervous about meeting Rev. Dave. And my nervousness was heightened when I first laid eyes on him. Because although he has a very young face, Rev. Dave’s hair is completely gray, a la Taylor Hicks on American Idol. And though Taylor Hicks can sing, the whole gray hair thing kind of freaks me out.

But once we got to talking, Rev. Dave didn’t freak me out at all. In fact, he was actually kind of fabulous. He sat across from us at a large wooden table and asked us questions about our relationship and how we interact with each other.

The whole experience was quite nice.

Toward the end of our discussion, Rev. Dave had us do an exercise in which we examine the 5 ways in which people receive love.

The 5 categories are:

Gift giving
Spending time
Service (doing the laundry, cooking dinner, etc.)

Since then, I’ve been thinking about all of the ways spiceboy and I act out each of these categories in our relationship:

Verbal: I’m the verbal one. Put simply: I talk. A lot. I start talking as soon as I wake up and pretty much keep talking until I fall asleep. I even keep talking when I’m in the bathroom. If spiceboy is in town, I simply yell through the door to him. If he’s out of town, I take the phone into the bathroom with me. He thinks that’s weird, but I like to think of it as multitasking.

Physical: While I’m the verbal one, spiceboy is more physical in his loving expressions. For example, when I’m walking around the apartment in my pajamas, he often sneaks up behind me, yanks my pants down, then runs away. It’s his own special way of saying I love you.

Gift Giving: I’m a good gift giver, but a lousy receiver, b/c I’m nosey. spiceboy is an excellent gift giver. Except for the year he bought me luggage for Christmas. That was no fun.

Service: We have a pretty good system worked out in the service area. spiceboy cooks, and I do the dishes. Except for when I complain that I’m really tired and “leave” the dirtiest dishes in the sink to “soak,” knowing full well that spiceboy will do them when I’m at work the next day. See? Pretty good system.

Spending Time
: This isn't a problem for us at all. Despite our semi-long distance relationship, spiceboy and I spend tons of quality time together, mostly sitting on our futon and laughing at our own bodily functions. Isn’t love great?

Once we’re married, maybe we’ll cross a barrier into some magical marvelous matrimonial world in which I stop leaving the grimy pots in the sink for spiceboy to wash, and in which spiceboy stops pulling my pants down at inopportune moments. But what fun would that be?

Sure, we each have our imperfections, but when things get tough and when life is not looking so funny, I know that we’ve got each other’s backs. And that’s just about the coolest thing ever. It’s not a category Rev. Dave mentioned to us yesterday, but I think it’s a really important one.

Maybe next time I see him, I’ll ask him to add it to his list.


Blogger Kitty said...

Yay for UUs! YOu know, at one point long ago, I thought about becoming a unitarian minister? I'm so happy you're getting married by a Unitard! love ya, xoxo

8:19 PM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

Awww...Now even I want to fall in love with someone!

6:10 AM  
Blogger Style Girl said...

i really do think you just described the FH and me to a T. we are planning to meet with our minister this summer, but i'm told there is some sort of questionaire for us to fill out. super.

8:29 AM  
Blogger kate.d. said...

spiceboy cooks, and I do the dishes

amen, sister! :) not a bad gig, if you can get it, right?

12:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's a book out there called the Five Love Languages and it basically talks about the five things you just mentioned. It's a little cheesy though. My husband and I laughed our asses off at the "Love Jug" analogy. Now whenever I'm being needy he'll ask me if my love jug is empty and we have a good laugh.

12:56 PM  
Blogger Fig said...

Great post! My husband and I made the commitment to never cross that line where you stop "pulling each others pants down" so to speak. We act as stupid and silly as when we first met. We also take each other for granted way too much, yell fuck off to each other (when the kids aren't listening), argue over stupid crap and go two weeks without having sex sometimes. But, we lurve each other and have each other's backs- you already figured out the most important part!

3:23 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

This is a sweet post! It only makes me sad to think that this stuff so doesn't apply to my parents, but...uh, I'll keep em in mind for my future. :)

7:26 PM  

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