Monday, June 19, 2006

The Wedding Roller Coaster

What is perfect?

The perfect job.
The perfect couple.
The perfect body.
The perfect apartment.

The perfect wedding.

I’ve been thinking a lot about perfect lately—probably b/c I’ve just taken a ride on the wedding roller coaster, and nothing perpetuates false notions of perfection more than the wedding roller coaster. It takes you on a high-speed, loop-d-loop, non-stop ride of hugs, kisses, presents, cakes and compliments.

The truth is, I’ve never been a fan of roller coasters. I’m more of a slow and steady type of gal.

That said, I tried as hard as I could to arm myself against my inner bride, that insistent little bitch who wants everything to be perfect. But when you have a wedding, there are so many people surrounding you all of the time asking things like how do you feel?! Aren’t you soooo happy?! Isn’t it great?! that it’s really hard to keep perspective.

Sometime during the week before the wedding, I paid my admission and hopped on the wedding roller coaster. And before I knew it, I was throwing my arms up in the air and enjoying the free-fall, screaming with glee: I’m a bride! I’m a bride! I’m a bride! Everything is perfect, perfect, perfect!

I tried to fight it, but I was powerless against it, dear readers. But it’s HARD not to get caught up in all of the hoopla. Especially when the hoopla is about you. And the strange thing is, I didn’t even realize I was on the wedding rollercoaster until I had to get off.

So I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to give myself a reality check.

It’s quite hard coming down from all that fuss and fanfare, which makes the first few steps off of the wedding roller coaster wobbly ones, at best. As spiceboy put it last week: we had a nice little break from reality for a minute there, didn’t we? And we did. But the re-entry into everyday life is really tough. And if you’re not taking a honeymoon right away, which we aren’t, it’s definitely enough to bum you out for more than a few days.

spiceboy and I are going through a bummy period, for sure. The wedding glow so evident in the pictures has worn off, and for the last few days, we’ve just been slumping around the apartment, cleaning up puppy poop, and feeling very blah.

So that’s it. The wedding was a blast. But life goes back to being NOT a blast very quickly. There are bills to pay. Decisions to make. Family stuff to deal with. Work stuff to deal with.

And that’s okay.

Are things good right now? Yes, they are. Are they perfect? No fucking way, man. And I'm not sure I know anyone who can say their life is perfect. Except for Betty. Think about it. All she does is eat, play, and sleep. And when she poops, she has two silly humans who are there to clean it up for her. That's kinda perfect.

The more I think about it, the more I believe that there is no definite, infinite state of perfection. And it confuses me as to why we are conditioned to think there is. I think perfect happens in the tiniest of moments, when you’re least expecting it. And I think it’s these tiny moments that make all of the rest of life seem very clear. Perfect is about slowing down long enough to enjoy it for a moment or two before letting it go again. Perfect is taking a deep breath and looking at the right now and loving it. Perfect is fleeting and fantastic, and it keeps you hanging on for the next time. It’s the snapshots in your mind that make you laugh out loud or hug yourself or break out in goosebumps when you think of them.

And that’s what I’m in it for. I’m in it for all of the imperfect moments that will make the perfect ones that much more special.


Blogger Patrick D. said...

We took our honeymoon about four months after the wedding, so I feel you on the blahs. But that's life in general. Happiness comes in tiny little packages scattered amongst the ennui.

2:02 PM  
Blogger Style Girl said...

I have yet to get on the roller coaster. I'm waiting on it to stop by and pick me up.

Wonderful post. dare I say, perfect, for what i've been thinking lately?

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Stylist in Nashville said...

I have to agree....what a perfect post. Thank you.

8:16 PM  
Anonymous john said...

I loved your analysis of “Perfect” very astute of you. Especially the catching it enjoying it for a moment and letting it go bit. And thank you for keeping up the Blogs ~ They’re good fun to read, it’s a pleasant little community you’ve started out here in cyberspace.

8:46 PM  
Blogger Paperback Writer said...

ESG: The one thing I hated about my wedding? I was forced to be the center of attention.

Do you know how much I hate that? But other than that little details things were wonderful.

It's afterwards you step back and go, huh? So, I understand.

11:54 PM  
Blogger e$ said...

i suppose one would have to come around sometime, whether it's after the wedding due to a delayed honeymoon or whether it's after the honeymoon because there's nothing more to "look forward" to. Like the day after Christmas when you're little - unavoidable and less than awesome, but all part of the bigger picture. :)

3:49 PM  
Blogger myboyfriendiscrazy said...

Great post, it definitely resonates with a lot of my thoughts. Congratulations on achieving perfect, for a few fleeting moments :)

11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

beautiful post!

8:29 AM  

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